01-08-15
Dear Bishop [ ],
Hello, Happy New Year. Thank you for your letter. I imagine it must be confusing to issue a temple recommend to me at the beginning of the year only to then have to complete paperwork for my leaving the church altogether nearly a year later. I was your first TR interview, and I imagine I’m your first name removal.
The decision came with great consideration. I really tried to reconcile the cognitive dissonance which was building up the past couple of years. I even gave Joseph Smith the benefit of the doubt that he was at least a fallen prophet, someone who was chosen by God and greatly inspired yet got too big for his britches when he became more powerful.
I was a convert. I loved the church I thought I had joined. I had a testimony of the BofM. I really wanted to raise my kids in the Church. When [ ] was a baby, I was already proudly picturing him as a missionary. I was all in. And, I dutifully avoided any material that would be considered anti-Mormon. Along the way, though, some Church behaviors and teachings began sending up red flags. But, I would “put it on a shelf” and endure.
It may have crossed your mind that I’m leaving because of the way the Church has treated gay people. That’s not the reason, but it is a catalyst along with how the Church treats minorities, women, and others who don’t fit the box as well as the mentality of never questioning a leader or saying no to him. I was also very concerned how the general authority seem to have all this power without any accountability. During the past summer, this thought came into my head, “When people use God as an excuse to hurt/manipulate others and say they have the authority to do so, you need to take a closer look at the foundation of that authority before continuing in any direction.” Truth can withstand questioning. So I questioned. I investigated. The conclusion is that I have been lied to. I no longer trust what comes from headquarters.
As a side story, my first husband had a cocaine habit. I have never seen cocaine in my life, but it certainly explained the disappearance of money, his nose bleeds, and sleepless nights. When I found out about his weakness, I stuck by him. We also went to marriage therapy for nearly a year. Then I began catching him in lies, big and small. Even our therapist was angry with him for wasting everyone’s time and money. I divorced him. There is no future for a relationship when there is deception. Trust is important.
I’m not leaving the Church because I want to start drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, cheat on my husband, begin watching porn, Satan got to me, or any of the other excuses members tell themselves as to why anyone would ever leave. I simply don’t believe in the Church’s version of the gospel anymore. I don’t believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet (not even a fallen one). I don’t believe in the “restoration” of the priesthood. I don’t believe that temple ordinances are necessary to get into heaven. I don’t believe in The Book of Mormon. To keep my integrity in tact, I must resign my membership. Some people have suggested I stay and try to help the Church be better from the inside. Ethically, I can’t do that. I’m not going to pretend.
The LDS Church may benefit from following the footsteps of the Reorganized LDS Church, now the Community of Christ. The CofC have embraced their history and foundation instead of hiding it, whitewashing it, rewriting it, and bullying others from learning about it. They have taken responsibility, and instead of throwing everything away, they have kept the good, emphasizing Jesus instead of man. They have rebuilt on a foundation based on the Bible, the Trinity, love, kindness, and humanity. I would be interested in attending their church if it was more accessible.
Now, if the LDS Church were to all-of-a-sudden come clean, admit the deceptions, become transparent, apologize for all behaviors past and present, plan restitutions, and make Christ's Biblical examples more important than Church leaders, then I may consider staying a member.
I have no intention of pulling others away nor sharing what I know (except with my kids). I only touch on it with you because of this situation and your position. I have strictly explained to my children to not tell their friends, either. It’s not our place to do so. I have compassion for the heartache it causes (as I’ve experienced), and don’t want to be the initial source of that heartache. If someone were to ask, I would say the Church just isn’t for me. Let them assume what they want about me. However, I’m the same, kind person (but happier).
I am concerned about how my children will be treated; there’s so much negativity about those who leave the Church. [Your daughter] has been such a nice friend to [my daughter]. [My daughter] even told me last week that [she] is her closest friend. [My daughter] has asked me to take her shopping today for [your daughter's] birthday gift. :) I hope [she] feels the same way and isn’t just being a member-missionary towards [my daughter].
Thank you for extending the invitation that I am more-than-welcome to attend church meetings, etc. I do hope to someday when I’m ready. There is much I miss and people there I love.
Sincerely,
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When the items you have dutifully "put on a shelf" until you can ask about them in the afterlife become too heavy, when the cognitive dissonance causes you to ignore your own intuition and intelligence, and when you realize that your doubts shouldn't be doubted because they are actually forms of personal protection, please give yourself permission to read the objective information at mormonthink.com and cesletter.com These are sites that will take LDS Church topics (current and past) and objectively look at both sides with verifiable resources (including Church resources).
From mormonthink.com home page:
"MormonThink is concerned with truth. As such, we attempt to correct misinformation about the LDS Church made by critics and defenders of the faith (including the Church itself). We present a range of perspectives and viewpoints, privileging those we believe are the most accurate, consistent and empirically valid."
From mormonthink.com home page:
"MormonThink is concerned with truth. As such, we attempt to correct misinformation about the LDS Church made by critics and defenders of the faith (including the Church itself). We present a range of perspectives and viewpoints, privileging those we believe are the most accurate, consistent and empirically valid."
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