Closets are for Clothes

My friends, Mama Dragon and Unicorn, Meg and Jon.

This blog is intended to show the steps to forming a GSA.  I also want to show the why's.

I love this family. 

During the past week and a half, my LDS friends sent out two letters revealing their son was gay. The first was sent to their entire ward, the second to their social network friends.  These are very touching, uplifting stories. I love their Mama and Papa Dragon stance.  Jon's school doesn't know, yet, but wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a GSA in place for him, his allies, and anyone else seeking understanding?

Jake writes in their blog (link below): "But this is not their fault.  It’s ours.  It’s even mine. I have contributed to this culture of hate.  Not because I hate but because I didn't understand."

Here's the letter to their ward, it begins with an intro to Mormons Building Bridges:
4-29-13

Jake Abhau
We have decided to come out to the members of our ward. We drafted an email and sent it. We're holding tight now and waiting for responses. Wish us luck. This is the first step in many in an effort to change the way the world views the most beautiful people in the world. Here is the email:

Dearest Brothers and Sisters of the Morrisville Ward (and beyond),

It is with an extremely happy, yet somber heart that I come to you with news that has recently rocked our world. Some of you may know us better than others while some may just know who we are. Either way, you all need to hear this. After much debate, prayer, and love, we have decided to let the members of this ward know that our loving son, Jon, is gay. He knows it. We know it and there is no question about it. Also, you need to know that this is not a choice he has made. This is something that he has realized about himself over time. You can imagine that this has been an incredibly emotional time for us in our home. Our hearts have doubled in size and we have been reading/researching as much information as we possibly can. I can honestly say that this has been a blessing as our hearts have been filled with love and compassion in a way we never could have imagined. You also should know that the decision to let people in the ward know has not been taken lightly but we feel it necessary to let you in.

For those of you who know Jon, you know that he is one of the most kind-hearted individuals you may have known. He is the same Jon as he was yesterday and will be the same Jon tomorrow. He loves the gospel and loves his family and friends. He also knows he was made this way for a greater purpose.

We would hope that (for those of you who have mature children at home) you would begin a loving discussion with them this week about acceptance of gays and let them know that Jon is still Jon. Jon wants people to know. When he told us, he made it clear that he knew he could help other teens who are like him, struggling with a similar path.

Teen suicide rate for gays and lesbians is 5 times higher than any heterosexual teen. And, it is the 3rd leading cause of teenage deaths in our country. However, in Utah, where the people are predominantly Mormon, it is the #1 cause of death. Also, 75% of teen suicides are slated as being a direct result of the shame, guilt, and non-acceptance of being gay. Jon will do anything to help prevent these deaths from happening to people like him; as I assume most of us would. However, the pressures that the gospel can put on a gay youth are incomprehensible to those of us who are not this way. Miraculously, Jon doesn't feel this way. He doesn't hold the shame, guilt, and suicidal tendencies that other gay teens carry. He is literally one of a kind in this regard. Out of thousands, we have been unable to find any examples of this in the LGBT world (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender). We don't know why this is but we do recognize how unique it is. He is a unicorn; the rarest, yet most beautiful, creature on earth. And we have been given the privilege, as our only child, to raise him.

As you can see, there are incredible potential dangers in keeping this in, especially as a gay Mormon teen. The closet is not a safe place for Jon. He has one of the sweetest spirits of any one we know. To put him in a situation where that could be jeopardized is unthinkable. Having said this, we (and he) understand the potential repercussions of "coming out" and no matter the amount of physical or verbal abuse he receives over his lifetime. None of it will compare to the darkness that exists in the black cloud that is the "closet." Being in the closet is lonely and miserable and is the seed of depression. It can change the sweetest person on the planet into something unnatural and unintended by God. The closet is NOT a place for ANY gay person. And this certainly does not preclude our Jon. In fact, out of the many gay people we have met (hundreds), they all agree that coming out was the best decision they’ve made in their life.

These are some of the reasons that we want people to know. He wants other Gay Mormons to know that there is still hope for a wonderful, accepted life. There is a path that Heavenly Father has prepared for these people. Meg and I have massive amounts of resources on this topic and are happy to share with any of you that may be interested.

Jon is a worthy priesthood holder. He will continue to pass the sacrament, collect fast offerings, and attend the temple. Nothing has changed with him. Just as before, we expect him to hold the same standards of the gospel as any youth. He has, however, stated that he desires "to be a beacon of hope and light for those who may find themselves in darkness (these are his words, not ours)."

The Abhau home is a house of safety and confidence. We welcome questions about anything that we have learned. If you feel the need to reach out to us, please know that any of your questions will be held in the highest level of confidence and there will be no judgment. The bishop has also said that his door will be open to those who have questions if you are not comfortable speaking with us.

We do not expect anything from any of you except the Christ-like charity that God, himself, gives. We also respectfully ask that, for now, you keep the topic of this conversation within the walls of your family as this is not something that is known at school yet. Please convey that to your children. Jon is happy to discuss his feelings with his friends in the ward. But if you (as parents) have questions, we would request that you address those to us so we can filter where we feel appropriate. Jon is incredibly mature about this and has been blessed with a level of comprehension that we can't understand.

We also welcome your response to this email. We expect an outpouring of love from most of you but also realize that some may not be as prepared as others and will need more time to process this.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and we look forward to the incredible journey that is ahead. We also welcome each of you to be part of that journey.
******

5-8-13
The second letter to their social media friends (and more) can be seen here as the first post of their blog, Perspective, they began yesterday: 
Closets are for Clothes. (<< click there and not on image)

Photo credit: sfcitizen dot com