I was then asked, "Will you tell us what you are referring to when you say, the bad is so destructive??"
This was my reply:
Let’s begin with how destructive DISHONESTY is. Without trust, there is no healthy relationship from which to grow including a relationship with a church. Truth can withstand questioning. When leaders say “some truths are not very useful” and are not “faith promoting," “milk before meat,” “never criticize a leader even if the criticism is true," when vaults close, when evidence is hidden, when faithful historians are excommunicated for presenting truth, when organizations like FAIR and FARMS need to be created << those should send up some serious red flags that HQ are not trustworthy. For issue-specific dishonesty, go to these very objective sites: mormonthink.com and cesletter.com
INDOCTRINATING children from infancy that the leaders will never lead them astray, to never say no to a leader, and that the leaders are speaking for God, and therefore, saying no to a leader is like saying no to God are destructive. This teaches children to ignore their own instincts. They become adults who put a lot of things “on the shelf” and suffer with cognitive dissonance in order to remain “worthy” aka “good enough.” This also compels good people to do bad things (like supporting measures that take people’s rights away — blacks, women, LGBTQ+, children).
MISINFORMATION is destructive. Historically, misinformation about origins of dark skin and how to treat those with dark skin were destructive. Currently, misinformation about gay people, what gay is and what gay isn’t, has had grave results: broken families, conversion therapy (including shock treatment), shunning, excommunication, homelessness, mixed-orientation marriage. Which in turn may lead the rejected to unhealthy relationships, drug abuse, homelessness, and desperate measures. The Church finally recognizes that “gay” is neither a choice nor an illness…misinformation they used to teach.
But the aftermath of those false-teachings continue. As a GSA Mom, I see that first hand as LDS parents today struggle with accepting their gay child. As a Mama Dragon (those who protect their own LGBTQ+ kid or others’ kids—like I do), I see parents of LGBTQ+ kids realize that what they’ve been taught their whole lives about “homosexuality” is NOT the reality before them. I am also very much aware of the lives lost and families broken when LDS members chose loyalty to a leader's misguided ideals (thinking they are God's ideals) over their LGBTQ+ loved one's best interest.
Taking ACTION BASED ON MISINFORMATION is destructive.
Using GOD AS AN EXCUSE to hurt and manipulate others, suppress civil rights of blacks, women, and LGBTQ+ is destructive.
MANIPULATING others to take action via that misinformation, too, is destructive.
LABELING those with honest questions as "unfaithful" or "apostate" is destructive.
OMITTING important information from missionary discussions to obtain converts like me is destructive. Example of topics omitted: translation method (rock and hat), polygamy (the Church still practices it through sealings and “heaven”), many gods, and how the “First Vision” is really the third version of the evolving vision.
[A great book in addition to the sites above is Jim Whitefield’s The Mormon Delusion: The Mormon Missionary Lessons - A Conspiracy to Deceive. If a member’s first reaction to me mentioning that book is, “Oh, that’s anti-mormon material. I must not read it. It may hurt my testimony,” I would reply that that type of reaction is a well-trained reaction, a cult-like behavior. Also I’d say truth can withstand questioning. If a testimony is founded on truth, there is nothing to fear. But, I can understand the fear of discovering a testimony has been built on provable lies. There’s the fear of having to take action or continuing to live in cognitive dissonance. Taking action can be scary].
INAPPROPRIATE WORTHINESS INTERVIEWS with children/youth has many cases of being devastatingly destructive (support groups have been formed). Yes, many members leave interviews unscathed, but so many leave these interviews mortified especially when asked if they masturbate. It’s “bishop roulette.” Leaders should NEVER be alone with someone else’s children. There’s a reason for 2-deep personage in schools, dr.’s ofc, scouts, etc. One-on-one interviews must cease. There are no background checks for leaders. Historically, priesthood holders have been protected when accusations about abuse has been raised.
CHASTISING girls to not be "walking porn" and making them responsible for keeping a priesthood holder's virtue intact is destructive. Modesty is one thing, but giving youth a complex about their body and sexuality is completely another.
Teaching members to DOUBT THEIR DOUBTS is destructive. Doubt is an instinctive mechanism to protect you. Again, truth can withstand questioning.
Worthiness/good-enough mentality is destructive.
Keeping "unworthy" family members from seeing their child/"x" get married is ever so cruelly destructive.
Making the bride and groom feel like they could ONLY have a temple marriage to be considered stalwart members and good enough in the sight of God.
I could go on and on.
Are there members who go their entire life oblivious of any problems? Sure. They are taught that unhappy people bring it upon themselves because of poor choices and “not living the gospel standards,” the Church is just the messenger, and it’s the unworthy people that don’t like the message. They are well-trained to look the other way…and to put things on a shelf if they have to.
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