Why I Left

I was recently asked via email about why I left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons, LDS). I'd like to keep my reply to my friend here along with similar posts.

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[....]Trust is actually a big part of it. In my resignation letter I wrote something like, “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as an entity is neither kind nor honest” and [my daughter] added in hers, “I no longer trust what comes from headquarters.”

I was probably too open-minded when I joined the church. I grew up in a non-denominational Christian home and raised with a hippy-Jesus concept, so-to-speak: kindness, helping others, peace, love, and challenging the establishment. I was taught scripture stories were symbolic not literal. In college, I took elective classes about various religions and learned that nearly all had their own  mystical story of origins (which are fun for story-telling and not to take literally). And, my father always taught me, “Take what you can from it, and leave the rest,” meaning, you can learn something from anyone, but you don’t have to accept all of it if it doesn’t feel right.”

That’s the background I brought with me to the table when I joined the church. I was more interested in what the church was currently doing, and I liked a lot of what I saw on the surface. Joining seemed important to my husband, and I’m like, “Hey! New adventure!” I chose to believe that Joseph Smith was an inspired leader... maybe a little crazy, but inspired...(and inspired to write the BofM). {Isn’t it amazing how we make our brains bypass logic to make things “fit”}?

The catalyst for my exit out was when I began seeing the hateful behaviors members had towards gay people and soon became very aware of the dark side of the church and its practices to marginalize groups of people. I thought I would do what I could to make the church better which included becoming a very strong activist for LGBTQ+ rights... especially for the youth who were so vulnerable and had high rates of suicide. I naively thought that once leaders and members were presented with objective, evidence-based information that they would do the right thing and stop the damaging rhetoric over the pulpit attacking gay people and their families. (smh) Instead, all of my work just exposed the irrational Fear in the church. I was “red-pilled” and realized its foundation was rooted in fear. Doctrine, policies, structure, culture, many teachings, many hymnals (even children’s hymns) I began to realize were rooted in fear. I was being told left and right that we don’t question leaders, they were the mouth pieces for god (to say No to an authority was like saying No to god). Doubt your doubts! Having a question is okay, but you must accept the leader’s answer.... if you don’t, then you’re not aligned with the spirit like he is. One man spoke up in class and said, “When the bishop tells me to do something, I do it, because he’s the lord’s servant.” The lady I visit-taught sent me 4-5 pages of scriptures and lesson material links about not questioning leaders and how to sustain them even if I don’t like their message! 

I joined the church because I thought it was love-based. It’s not. It’s fear-based. And, a church that requires the use of fear to control its members couldn’t possibly be the true church. The lengths in which leadership has gone through to  extend church control over members’ behavior/information/thoughts/emotions is gut-wrenching.* 

I had a conversation with a neighbor who was a former bishop and told me god’s love WAS conditional, and he was justifying it as a good thing. [The conversation started with me telling him that I’m not a perfect parent, but I would want my kids with me no matter what: “clean” or “unclean,” and I would never require payment for them to be with me - even if they owed me money - nor would I require the torture and sacrifice of my oldest son just so my other kids could be with me. Therefore, if my love for them as an imperfect parent is unconditional, wouldn’t Heavenly Father, who is perfect, have perfect unconditional love for his children (us)? According to this former bishop, apparently not.}  Okay, well, you can keep Him and Kolob, I don’t want to be around that mentality.

Going to church was becoming very difficult. I’d be sitting in the pews deep-breathing and meditating just to get through it. I was also a Sunday school teacher for the 14-15 y.o.s and would really dive into the lessons. Not only would I learn the sanitized version of the lesson in the manual, but I would read all of the surrounding scriptures for complete context (magnifying my calling!). That particular year was the Old Testament. That is some horrific stuff, and Abrahamic-god-based religions use it to control and hurt others. The LDS Church was no exception. I got to the point where I couldn’t have my name support this corporation anymore. I couldn’t support the concept of god anymore, either.

(UGH!! I’m getting all worked up just writing about this) [...]

Another reason we don’t tell true-believers why we left is self-preservation. We’ll speak up when necessary; otherwise, it doesn’t serve our well-being emotionally. I have to protect my kids. [My youngest son] got the worst of it from his “friends”  in the neighborhood... and that’s from us NOT saying anything.

There’s more detail about my leaving-the-church story in these couple of links. One is my reply to my bishop and the other is my reply to Stake President Jones’s letter. The links take you to my brief and inactive blog that was originally set up to document how to start a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) club. (I and some AFHS students started the first GSA in the Alpine School District and used the blog to help other schools start theirs). Now I just keep some documents there. 

To my bishop:

http://myeagleprojectjourney.blogspot.com/2015/07/my-reply-to-my-bishops-nice-letter.html?m=1

To Pres. Jones:

http://myeagleprojectjourney.blogspot.com/2015/07/my-reply-to-my-stake-president-11.html?m=1 

Some of my beliefs have changed since these letters. I was still believing in Heavenly Father at that time. Also, in the one to Jones, I said I was pro-chastity. I cringed when I re-read that. I don’t even like that word now and the shame-inducing intention behind it. I’d like to change that to pro-consent (married or not).

You might like this more light-hearted post (you know, because I haven’t given you enough to read), particularly it’s conclusion. 

http://myeagleprojectjourney.blogspot.com/2015/10/brief-history-concept-of.html?m=1

*This is a link to Steve Hassan's B.I.T.E. Model used to evaluate high-demand groups. B.I.T.E. stands for Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control, and Emotion Control. https://freedomofmind.com/bite-model/

Brief History: Concept of the Satan/Devil/Lucifer Character

Did you know that “Satan,” “the Devil,” and “Lucifer” are not the same things? Yet, those are all names used (especially by Christian-based beliefs) to describe the evil demon-like character who’s in charge of Hell and wants all of us to suffer.

Earlier this year I heard this phrase, “Jewish people don’t believe in the devil.” As a person raised in basic Christianity and later a member of the LDS Church, I found this statement perplexing. “Of course they believe in the devil! Satan is in the the Old Testament books, which are Hebrew scriptures. Right?”

About this same time as learning of the above information, my youngest child was a little frightened after watching “Super Natural” with my daughter. It’s a show about a couple of very-cute demon-hunter brothers. My son was worried about Lucifer and his minions and wondering if they can hurt him. I decided to do a little research about this shape-shifting, pitchfork-carrying creature.

{The following are from my personal notes written several months ago. I didn’t save any references. However, it’s easy enough to search terms as well as the basic question, “Do Jews believe in the devil or hell?”}

Satan

-Jewish people do not and never did believe in the Christian concept of the devil/Satan. But, they do believe in “the satan.”

-In Hebrew, the Written Torah and/or the Tanakh (from which Christians take the Old Testament) is “haSatan,” or “the satan.” You can plug in the following words for “satan” to get the meaning: the challenger, the difficulty, the prosecutor, the obstacle, the hinderer, the distraction, the adversary. You get the idea. It is NOT a proper name. The closest haSatan comes to being a proper name is in the story of Job. It’s like saying the painter, the grocer, the lawyer — it’s a position, not a proper name of a person.

-Judaism is STRICTLY monotheistic, meaning NO ONE else has authority but God and that God is the creator of both good and evil. It is up to mankind to choose which path they will follow. Saint Augustine had a huge problem with the Jewish idea that God is the creator of evil (more about that under “Devil”).

-The satan is not God’s opponent nor a disobedient child nor rebellious angel.

-The satan works for God. Its job is to make choosing good over evil enough of a challenge so that it can be a meaningful choice for growth. (“Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” example: “Slugworth” is Wonka’s employee used to test the integrity of the guests. He’s Wonka’s haSatan).

-It’s an angel who takes on the challenger role and whose mission it is to add difficulty, challenges, and growth experiences to life. In Judaism, angels do not have free will, cannot sin, and cannot “fall.” 

-The serpent in the Garden of Eden was NOT Satan according to Judaism. Christianity “hijacked” the Old Testament. There is no direct link between the serpent that tempts Eve and the references to a Satan in the first book of Chronicles and Job. It’s a Christian invention/interpretation (Book of Revelation). [My ah-hah moment: Jesus -being raised Jewish- was never taught the concept of this Satan/Devil/Evil Lucifer character.]

-An additional explanation: Satan is used as a metaphor for the “Yetzer HaRa” = not a force nor a being, but rather refers to mankind’s innate capacity for doing evil in the world. Opposite: Yetzer HaTov means the good inclination.

Devil

-4th Century CE: Not liking the Jewish belief of God being capable of creating evil, St. Augustine invented the concepts of “the fall” and “original sin” as well as the character of the Devil (referred by Christians as Satan).

-“Devil” is a Modern English word descending from the Middle English “devel,” Old English “deofol,” that in turn represents an early Germanic borrowing of Latin “diabolus, which was borrowed from Ancient Greek “diabolos” which means “slanderer.” Dia = across, bolo/ballein = to hurl.

-In the New Testament, “Satan” occurs more than 30 times in passages alongside “diabolos,” referring to the same character as Satan. (Through time and translations, Satan and the Devil become synonymous).

Lucifer

-Lucifer is Latin and means “Venus as a morning star.” “Lux/lucis” = light/fire, “ferre” = to bear/to bring. 

-Also: Son of the Morning

-The word Lucifer did not always exist and was NOT original to the Hebrew written Torah (Christian Old Testament).

-The very concept of the character or personage “Lucifer” is non-Jewish.

-Isaiah 14:12, (http://biblehub.com/isaiah/14-12.htm) Isaiah was using a metaphor (in Hebrew) of a bright light (“shining one, son of the dawn”), referring to the power of the Babylonian king, which had faded. When the HEBREW scriptures were translated into Latin, the Latin word “lucifer” was used by St. Jerome to convey Isaiah’s metaphor. Saint Jerome (a contemporary of St. Augustine’s) placed the word Lucifer into the Bible originally 3 times during the revision of the Latin translation, completed 5th Century CE. Now, it’s there only one time: the other 2 spots replaces “Lucifer” with “morning star,” thus, showing the original intention.

-Morning star is a term used throughout the New Testament and is in reference to Jesus the Christ. “Lucifer,” when used correctly in the TRUE, ORIGINAL CONTEXT, is Jesus Christ. It’s the perpetuated misinterpretation that has changed lucifer which is something that is supposed to be good into an evil character.

2nd Century Greek sculpture of "Phosphorus"(Latin: "Lucifer") in the front center.
Image Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phosphorus_(morning_star)

So, dear son of mine, as you can see, there is no Devil nor demons waiting to hurt you or bargain for your soul. It’s a man-made character formulated over many, many centuries. People have believed the Devil is real for several reasons. One reason is that they hear about it from people they trust or are taught to trust. Another reason people pass on misinformation is because they are afraid to question. Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished. At one time, questioning brought the punishment of death. During modern times, questioners may not be killed, but they can be shunned. Rumors could be spread about the unbelievers like “She doesn’t believe anymore because the Devil got to her!” Well, we know that ain’t true, don’t we! ;)

Knowledge is power...and freedom.
Image Credit: ladycrg9 at deviant art dot com

"Religious Freedom" (for Children) Reply

During another online discussion, as a response to the recent marriage equality ruling by SCOTUS , anti-gay religious people were feeling persecuted because they couldn't persecute gay people. They want their religious freedom to discriminate not just in their places of worship (you know, the place that is supposed to teach them to be Christlike) but also places of employment.

The last sacrament meeting talk I heard was over a year ago. Bro. M was teaching from Elder Oaks' sermon about how their religious freedom was being attacked. That was the last time I've been in a meeting house.

Back to the online discussion: Amongst the whining of those who don't know what REAL religious persecution is, I made the following statement.

If we are talking religious freedom, then let's go all the way: let's prohibit indoctrinating children into one, exclusive religion. Objectively present different philosophies to the children, show why you like your particular one, and then let them decide. Let them use their knowledge and intellect to choose to join or not join.

That's religious freedom.

Spoon-feeding to them what you've been spoon-fed, instilling fear to question because it was instilled in you, forcing them to be baptized and giving them the illusion it's their choice, whispering "their" testimony in their ear so they can regurgitate it into the microphone, and shaping them to think and act like the group through one-on-one worthiness interviews is not religious freedom. It's called brain-washing.

I know because I was in it. I used to say, "I'm not brain-washed, I'm spirit washed!" Then the bubble popped. All those items I dutifully "put on a shelf" I removed and took them to mormonthink.com and cesletter.com

Ahhhh. Freedom.

Image Credit: easyhealthoptions dot com

Image Credit: deviantart dot com

International Cultic Studies Association - Neutral Site

As a convert and active member in the church I loved, I used to brush off the comments that I belonged to a cult. I figured they just didn't understand, had misinformation from jealous sources, and if they'd only give it a chance, they'd love it, too. "I'm not brain-washed, I'm spirit-washed!" << Yeah, I said that. But that's NOTHING compared to the scary stuff that came out of the mouths of fellow members. {cue Twilight Zone music}

That being said, though, I do think there are many members that are normal, conscientious, and don't buy into "the prophet speaks and the thinking has been done" mentality. But they are still sucked in for various reasons.

When I read this article, I could relate my experience in the LDS Church with it. Knowing the history of the church, there was no doubt it was founded as a cult, with Brigham Young being one of the most gruesome cult leaders (imo).  As the LDS Church strove to be considered more main-stream during the years, it has had to loosen its grip. It still trains its members to look the other way when confronted with truth that is not faith-promoting. This is NOT the church I thought I joined. So, so sad, because there is potentially great good that could come from this organization if they could just get out of their own way.

Link: Characteristics Associated with Cultic Groups

Content:

Characteristics Associated with Cultic Groups - Revised 
Michael D. Langone, Ph.D. 

Concerted efforts at influence and control lie at the core of cultic groups, programs, and relationships. Many members, former members, and supporters of cults are not fully aware of the extent to which members may have been manipulated, exploited, even abused. The following list of social-structural, social-psychological, and interpersonal behavioral patterns commonly found in cultic environments may be helpful in assessing a particular group or relationship. 

Compare these patterns to the situation you were in (or in which you, a family member, or friend is currently involved). This list may help you determine if there is cause for concern. Bear in mind that this list is not meant to be a “cult scale” or a definitive checklist to determine if a specific group is a cult. This is not so much a diagnostic instrument as it is an analytical tool. 

The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.
Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.
Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, and debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).
The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry—or leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, whether or not to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).
The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members (for example, the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar—or the group and/or the leader is on a special mission to save humanity).
The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.
The leader is not accountable to any authorities (unlike, for example, teachers, military commanders or ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream religious denominations).
The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members' participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (for example, lying to family or friends, or collecting money for bogus charities).
The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt iin order to influence and/or control members. Often, this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion.
Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.
The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.
The group is preoccupied with making money.
Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.
Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.
The most loyal members (the “true believers”) feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave (or even consider leaving) the group.

>>Update - - Additional information to evaluate high-demand/high-control groups:  This is a link to Steve Hassan's B.I.T.E. Model used to evaluate high-demand groups. B.I.T.E. stands for Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control, and Emotion Control. https://freedomofmind.com/bite-model/

When the items you have dutifully "put on a shelf" until you can ask about them in the afterlife become too heavy, when the cognitive dissonance causes you to ignore your own intuition and intelligence, and when you realize that your doubts shouldn't be doubted because they are actually forms of personal protection, please give yourself permission to read the objective information at mormonthink.com and cesletter.com  These are sites that will take LDS Church topics (current and past) and objectively look at both sides with verifiable resources (including Church resources).

From mormonthink.com home page:

"MormonThink is concerned with truth. As such, we attempt to correct misinformation about the LDS Church made by critics and defenders of the faith (including the Church itself). We present a range of perspectives and viewpoints, privileging those we believe are the most accurate, consistent and empirically valid."

"The Bad is So Destructive" Reply

During an online discussion, I had made this comment, "And once my own eyes were opened, I could finally see why the LDS Church is considered a cult. Unfortunate. There are good things to the group, but when the bad is so destructive, it's hard to even want the good of it anymore."

I was then asked, "Will you tell us what you are referring to when you say, the bad is so destructive??"

This was my reply:

Let’s begin with how destructive DISHONESTY is. Without trust, there is no healthy relationship from which to grow including a relationship with a church. Truth can withstand questioning. When leaders say “some truths are not very useful” and are not “faith promoting," “milk before meat,” “never criticize a leader even if the criticism is true," when vaults close, when evidence is hidden, when faithful historians are excommunicated for presenting truth, when organizations like FAIR and FARMS need to be created << those should send up some serious red flags that HQ are not trustworthy. For issue-specific dishonesty, go to these very objective sites: mormonthink.com and cesletter.com

INDOCTRINATING children from infancy that the leaders will never lead them astray, to never say no to a leader, and that the leaders are speaking for God, and therefore, saying no to a leader is like saying no to God are destructive. This teaches children to ignore their own instincts. They become adults who put a lot of things “on the shelf” and suffer with cognitive dissonance in order to remain “worthy” aka “good enough.” This also compels good people to do bad things (like supporting measures that take people’s rights away — blacks, women, LGBTQ+, children).

MISINFORMATION is destructive. Historically, misinformation about origins of dark skin and how to treat those with dark skin were destructive. Currently, misinformation about gay people, what gay is and what gay isn’t, has had grave results: broken families, conversion therapy (including shock treatment), shunning, excommunication, homelessness, mixed-orientation marriage. Which in turn may lead the rejected to unhealthy relationships, drug abuse, homelessness, and desperate measures. The Church finally recognizes that “gay” is neither a choice nor an illness…misinformation they used to teach. 

But the aftermath of those false-teachings continue. As a GSA Mom, I see that first hand as LDS parents today struggle with accepting their gay child. As a Mama Dragon (those who protect their own LGBTQ+ kid or others’ kids—like I do), I see parents of LGBTQ+ kids realize that what they’ve been taught their whole lives about “homosexuality” is NOT the reality before them. I am also very much aware of the lives lost and families broken when LDS members chose loyalty to a leader's misguided ideals (thinking they are God's ideals) over their LGBTQ+ loved one's best interest.

Taking ACTION BASED ON MISINFORMATION is destructive. 

Using GOD AS AN EXCUSE to hurt and manipulate others, suppress civil rights of blacks, women, and LGBTQ+ is destructive.

MANIPULATING others to take action via that misinformation, too, is destructive.

LABELING those with honest questions as "unfaithful" or "apostate" is destructive.

OMITTING important information from missionary discussions to obtain converts like me is destructive. Example of topics omitted: translation method (rock and hat), polygamy (the Church still practices it through sealings and “heaven”), many gods, and how the “First Vision” is really the third version of the evolving vision.  

[A great book in addition to the sites above is Jim Whitefield’s The Mormon Delusion: The Mormon Missionary Lessons - A Conspiracy to Deceive. If a member’s first reaction to me mentioning that book is, “Oh, that’s anti-mormon material. I must not read it. It may hurt my testimony,” I would reply that that type of reaction is a well-trained reaction, a cult-like behavior. Also I’d say truth can withstand questioning. If a testimony is founded on truth, there is nothing to fear. But, I can understand the fear of discovering a testimony has been built on provable lies. There’s the fear of having to take action or continuing to live in cognitive dissonance. Taking action can be scary].

INAPPROPRIATE WORTHINESS INTERVIEWS with children/youth has many cases of being devastatingly destructive (support groups have been formed). Yes, many members leave interviews unscathed, but so many leave these interviews mortified especially when asked if they masturbate. It’s “bishop roulette.” Leaders should NEVER be alone with someone else’s children. There’s a reason for 2-deep personage in schools, dr.’s ofc, scouts, etc. One-on-one interviews must cease. There are no background checks for leaders. Historically, priesthood holders have been protected when accusations about abuse has been raised.

CHASTISING girls to not be "walking porn" and making them responsible for keeping a priesthood holder's virtue intact is destructive. Modesty is one thing, but giving youth a complex about their body and sexuality is completely another.

Teaching members to DOUBT THEIR DOUBTS is destructive. Doubt is an instinctive mechanism to protect you. Again, truth can withstand questioning.

Worthiness/good-enough mentality is destructive.

Keeping "unworthy" family members from seeing their child/"x" get married is ever so cruelly destructive.

Making the bride and groom feel like they could ONLY have a temple marriage to be considered stalwart members and good enough in the sight of God.

I could go on and on.

Are there members who go their entire life oblivious of any problems? Sure. They are taught that unhappy people bring it upon themselves because of poor choices and “not living the gospel standards,” the Church is just the messenger, and it’s the unworthy people that don’t like the message. They are well-trained to look the other way…and to put things on a shelf if they have to.

Twin Falls Temple Image Credit: holdmanstudios dot com

My Reply to My Bishop's Nice Letter Trying to Get Me to Stay an LDS Member

01-08-15

Dear Bishop [   ],

Hello, Happy New Year. Thank you for your letter. I imagine it must be confusing to issue a temple recommend to me at the beginning of the year only to then have to complete paperwork for my leaving the church altogether nearly a year later. I was your first TR interview, and I imagine I’m your first name removal.

The decision came with great consideration. I really tried to reconcile the cognitive dissonance which was building up the past couple of years. I even gave Joseph Smith the benefit of the doubt that he was at least a fallen prophet, someone who was chosen by God and greatly inspired yet got too big for his britches when he became more powerful.

I was a convert. I loved the church I thought I had joined. I had a testimony of the BofM. I really wanted to raise my kids in the Church. When [    ] was a baby, I was already proudly picturing him as a missionary. I was all in. And, I dutifully avoided any material that would be considered anti-Mormon. Along the way, though, some Church behaviors and teachings began sending up red flags. But, I would “put it on a shelf” and endure.

It may have crossed your mind that I’m leaving because of the way the Church has treated gay people. That’s not the reason, but it is a catalyst along with how the Church treats minorities, women, and others who don’t fit the box as well as the mentality of never questioning a leader or saying no to him. I was also very concerned how the general authority seem to have all this power without any accountability. During the past summer, this thought came into my head, “When people use God as an excuse to hurt/manipulate others and say they have the authority to do so, you need to take a closer look at the foundation of that authority before continuing in any direction.” Truth can withstand questioning. So I questioned. I investigated. The conclusion is that I have been lied to. I no longer trust what comes from headquarters.

As a side story, my first husband had a cocaine habit. I have never seen cocaine in my life, but it certainly explained the disappearance of money, his nose bleeds, and sleepless nights. When I found out about his weakness, I stuck by him. We also went to marriage therapy for nearly a year. Then I began catching him in lies, big and small. Even our therapist was angry with him for wasting everyone’s time and money. I divorced him. There is no future for a relationship when there is deception. Trust is important.

I’m not leaving the Church because I want to start drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, cheat on my husband, begin watching porn, Satan got to me, or any of the other excuses members tell themselves as to why anyone would ever leave. I simply don’t believe in the Church’s version of the gospel anymore. I don’t believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet (not even a fallen one). I don’t believe in the “restoration” of the priesthood. I don’t believe that temple ordinances are necessary to get into heaven. I don’t believe in The Book of Mormon. To keep my integrity in tact, I must resign my membership. Some people have suggested I stay and try to help the Church be better from the inside. Ethically, I can’t do that. I’m not going to pretend.

The LDS Church may benefit from following the footsteps of the Reorganized LDS Church, now the Community of Christ. The CofC have embraced their history and foundation instead of hiding it, whitewashing it, rewriting it, and bullying others from learning about it. They have taken responsibility, and instead of throwing everything away, they have kept the good, emphasizing Jesus instead of man. They have rebuilt on a foundation based on the Bible, the Trinity, love, kindness, and humanity. I would be interested in attending their church if it was more accessible. 

Now, if the LDS Church were to all-of-a-sudden come clean, admit the deceptions, become transparent, apologize for all behaviors past and present, plan restitutions, and make Christ's Biblical examples more important than Church leaders, then I may consider staying a member. 

I have no intention of pulling others away nor sharing what I know (except with my kids). I only touch on it with you because of this situation and your position. I have strictly explained to my children to not tell their friends, either. It’s not our place to do so. I have compassion for the heartache it causes (as I’ve experienced), and don’t want to be the initial source of that heartache. If someone were to ask, I would say the Church just isn’t for me. Let them assume what they want about me. However, I’m the same, kind person (but happier).

I am concerned about how my children will be treated; there’s so much negativity about those who leave the Church. [Your daughter] has been such a nice friend to [my daughter]. [My daughter] even told me last week that [she] is her closest friend. [My daughter] has asked me to take her shopping today for [your daughter's] birthday gift. :) I hope [she] feels the same way and isn’t just being a member-missionary towards [my daughter].

Thank you for extending the invitation that I am more-than-welcome to attend church meetings, etc. I do hope to someday when I’m ready. There is much I miss and people there I love. 

Sincerely,

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When the items you have dutifully "put on a shelf" until you can ask about them in the afterlife become too heavy, when the cognitive dissonance causes you to ignore your own intuition and intelligence, and when you realize that your doubts shouldn't be doubted because they are actually forms of personal protection, please give yourself permission to read the objective information at mormonthink.com and cesletter.com  These are sites that will take LDS Church topics (current and past) and objectively look at both sides with verifiable resources (including Church resources).

From mormonthink.com home page:
"MormonThink is concerned with truth. As such, we attempt to correct misinformation about the LDS Church made by critics and defenders of the faith (including the Church itself). We present a range of perspectives and viewpoints, privileging those we believe are the most accurate, consistent and empirically valid."

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My Letter of Resignation from the LDS Church and Worthiness Interviews with Children

October 28, 2014

Member Records Division, LDS Church

50 E North Temple, Room 1372

SLC UT 84150-5310 

This letter is my formal resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and it is effective immediately. Please remove the following name permanently and completely from the membership rolls of the church: 

[my name]

DOB: [   ]

Record Number [   ]

Also, waive the 30-day waiting/holding period. I am aware that the Church handbook says that resignations cancel the effects of baptism and suspends temple sealings and blessings. I continue to hold my baptism dear and reverently, but that is between God and me. I do not need the LDS Church’s recognition of it.

The LDS Church, as an entity, is neither kind nor honest.

There is to be no formal church contact/“fellowshipping”/missionary work with me. I still care for my LDS neighbors and hope to socialize and contribute in real service projects together.

The following isn’t the reason for leaving, but in case I have an audience, please, if you care at all about children and respect them, stop the one-on-one “worthiness” interviews with them. It is inappropriate for adults to be alone with other people’s children behind closed doors. And it’s even more inappropriate for those adults to ask personal questions to the children/youth (children often leave mortified). There is a reason why there is mandatory two-deep personages in the BSA, doctor’s offices, and schools, etc.: there are predators everywhere who take advantage of children. The LDS Church is no exception. One-on-one interviews give opportunity for ecclesiastical abuses, intimidation, and manipulation (whether intentional or unintentional) especially in the LDS church where children are indoctrinated to never say no to a leader, that he is the mouth-piece for God, and will never lead anyone astray. The church protects priesthood leaders more than they protect children.

I look forward to the final termination/confirmation letter from your offices.

Please send to:  [my address]

Most seriously,

________________________________

As of October 31, 2014, I legally was no longer a member of the LDS Church. It took a little longer for the Church to complete their own paperwork, but once they receive my letter in the mail, it was final. This website for the name removal process was very helpful: Mormon No More

When the items you have dutifully "put on a shelf" until you can ask about them in the afterlife become too heavy, when the cognitive dissonance causes you to ignore your own intuition and intelligence, and when you realize that your doubts shouldn't be doubted because they are actually forms of personal protection, please give yourself permission to read the objective information at mormonthink.com and cesletter.com  These are sites that will take LDS Church topics (current and past) and objectively look at both sides with verifiable resources (including Church resources).

From mormonthink.com home page:
"MormonThink is concerned with truth. As such, we attempt to correct misinformation about the LDS Church made by critics and defenders of the faith (including the Church itself). We present a range of perspectives and viewpoints, privileging those we believe are the most accurate, consistent and empirically valid."

The Community of Christ (formerly the Reformed LDS Church) shares the same founding history as the mainstream LDS Church, but their approach to the information found on these websites is vastly different. They embrace their history instead of trying to hide it or whitewash it or bully those who question it. They feel no need to dissolve their church. Rather, they take the good of it and make it better through their honesty.

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